vincentclark dot com

Speed Test

I would write more about this, but it is quite clear nobody gives a shit. So I will copy and paste the latest word on my medical appeal, this has been going on since Febuary.

Got the good news from Cigna, after much review they chose to uphold their original denial! Yes, a the medical director (GP) was kind enough to have a neurosurgeon read their policy to see if in fact the policy says there is not enough evidence to support the use of a device with three years of FDA approval.

Apparently the amount of evidence I is not enough to refute their lack of evidence, clearly no research is better than actual research. I will write about my “grievance” I dictated to the service rep when I cool down some more. Why should anyone that can make a difference care? They are getting enough of my money in their pay checks not to have to worry about this happening to them.

It took me 5 minutes for the customer service rep to figure out how their “grievance” policy works. It consists of him writing down why I was upset and putting it in my file, and by his own admission, won’t be read by anyone! It would be nice t work for a company that stands up for their employees and doesn’t have such incompetent people running their insurance.

Nobody can give me a straight answer to why they are denying it outside of the fact that the policy says so. I argue it is safe, proven, FDA approval, but based on what someone read on the Kaiser website felt they did not have to do any research of their own wrote a potion of the policy, and fitting of a Cigna employee, has absolutely no idea what they are talking about.

I have been given several different answers, including that they will pay for the surgery, they are not saying I don’t need surgery, but the device is not cover and the cost can range somewhere between $4,800 and $68,000. I would not know until I got the bill.

Nobody at Cigna can give me a written gaurantee they would pay for the surgery, but one person claims that it is true over the phone. Nobody knows who that person would to sent it to me.

I can see how the appeal went.

“Ok, lot of stuff here, looks good, now let’s see what the policy says, well the policy says Cigna doesn’t support the device and nothing in all this research states that Cigna does support it, but I must get another neurosurgeon to agree with it.”

“Excuse me Dr. of who we sign your paychecks, can you tell me if our policy says that we do not cover this device and if there is anything in all this research that proves that we do not state that in our policy?”

“No sir, I mean doctor, I mean master, I mean what are you asking?”

“Is there anything in their research that might state that what is written in our policy is not in fact written in our policy?”

“Sir, I read all of their research and I agree with you, our policy clearly states that we don’t know anything about this decive therefor we cannot cover it, there for we ummm… should not cover it??”

“Dear Mr. Clark, we are sorry but you have not been able to prove to us that we did not write in our policy since we clearly did. We must deny you your treatment, let you suffer the consequences of the alternatives hopefully you will not be with Cigna and we won’t have to pay for it, but if you are, we know how to bill for a disk fusion, we can fuse your whole spine since it says we can.”

I am so disgusted with everything it will be hard for me to walk into work knowing I work for such a place that lets this kind of thing happen to their employees. Not like there is anything anyone can do, simply because, nobody knows how any of it works!

Jen says it isn’t the end of the world, pretty fu#$ing close if you ask me.

The fire has left my heart, and as I slowly run aground, I want those at Cigna and at Disney’s benefits to know exactly what they did to me. I would put more energy into it if I thought it would matter, if I thought someone would care, well someone that would care and perhaps do something about it. Everybody knows that it is wrong, but nobody knows what they can do, so they go home, sit comfortably, as I slowly descend into hell, my fate has been sealed, my dreams of getting better are now are gone. All because bureaucrat made a decision without looking at any research and claimed that there is none, simply because they did not look. I never thought this is how it would end up. Me being lost simply from a lack of caring. Happens to so many others, why should I be any different.

This is my last post. I no longer care about anything that exists in this world any more. I have given up trying to change it, make it better, to make a difference, I am going to drift off in peace, playing a game, and avoid seeing anything about a life I could have had.

Studies show that those in the technical field achieve better productivity when starting their day at 10 am and having and open ended day. When a technical professional sees his or her day to evd when their days work is finished gives that individual greater focus to acomplishing the days task.

“When a person has the means to end their day early they will work harder to bring it to a close, more times than not they will work later than go home earlier” A person at a university states.

Due to the nature of technical job it often takes longer for their brain to reach it’s maximum potential in the morning. “for someone that works with computers and software more time is needed to recover from a good nights sleep.” The university person states. “Bringing a programmer in top early in the morning is a poor use of their time and the employes money.”

Facts of the Mayonnaise Conspiracy – Commissioned by The Marmot.

The facts covered in this commission cover:

1. How the ECA uses wikipedia to distort the truth of Bulgaria
2. How the CMI uses FedEx to blackmail the ECA in distorting the information about mayonnaise.
3. How the CMI are the puppet masters of our reality
4. How the CMI uses its leverage over the food distributing industries to poison the people of this reality with mayonnaise thus obscuring the truth.

The Facts of the conspiracy
Fact the less we known about the truth the less we are likely to do anything about it.
Fact the ECA created wikipidea to back up their claim of Bulgaria in fears that the truth might come out about their practical joke.
Fact the Cabinet Making Industry (CMI) knows what the ECA did and is blackmailing the ECA in using their tools to distort the truth of mayonnaise.
Fact FedEx controls world wide shipping and is the militant wing of the CMI.
Fact the food distributing industry, mainly restaurants rely on shipments to sustain their business.
Fact shipments are supplied by FedEx or one of their cover business.
Fact restaurants cannot survive without cabinets or deliveries.
Fact the CMI has the world by the balls and can force their will and perception of reality upon us by distributing mayo.
Fact mayonnaise is instrumental in the overall success of the CMI’s primary objective.

How it is connected.

I must warn you, this is a lot to take in. Since The Marmot was the first Time Waster leader to step up to the task of learning the truth I have given a good amount of information about the mayonnaise conspiracy. Divulging will make me a target of the CMI and knowing the facts might make you a target as well. So continue to read ONLY if you think you can handle the consequences of your understanding of these facts.

For those of you that know about this series of connected servers, switches, and routers commonly known as the “Internet” it would not take you long to find the cartographers interpretation of what mayonnaise is especially if you look at the ECA’s site “wikipedia.org”

The fact is, wikipedia.org was created by the European Cartographers (ECA) in response to the growing concern that this “Internet” might make available their long standing practical joke of a country named Bulgaria. By creating an ECA friendly site, a source of great knowledge, they are able to continue their rouse of a country in Europe named Bulgaria.

Sadly, the ECA was blackmailed by FedEx, the silent partner in the Mayo industry to destroy the orgins and truth about mayonnaise. FedEx is most known for their fast world wide delivery, however that business is mealy a front. FedEx is in reality the militant arm of the /cabinet making industry/ and there success in business as given them a great deal of capital to work in order to continue their distribution of mayonnaise world wide, reaching every part of the globe.

It is widely known that FedEx has the green light to travel virtually unquestioned to any part of the world thus making them the perfect means to enforcing the CMI’s will upon the globe.

CMI is one of the oldest industries in the known universe and is the only industry that predates language. Some speculate that they themselves are responsible for what we know as language today.

Knowing that the ECA has long duped the Western Hemisphere into thinking there is a place known as Bulgaria the CMI had used this knowledge to blackmail them into distributing an alternative explanation to what mayonnaise is and where it came from. If you are wondering what happens when you cross the CMI ask Greece. Upon threats to expose the myth of Bulgaria to the world the CMI tanked their economy. Now, Greace is back to admiting that Bulgaria is an actual country.

The CMI has no direct stake in the world knowing the truth of Bulgaria, if the west were to learn of the prank the CMI would loose leverage over the ECA and wikipedia may divulged the facts of what mayonnaise truly is.

Now most people are not asking themselves “why would FedEx and Cabinate Makers want with mayonnaise and why would they go to such lengths to distort the true purpose of the mayonnaise recipt and its orgin?” This is in fact the purpose of mayonnaise, to make it so we do not question obvious flaws within our reality.

Due to the ariticels of understanding which ended the now forgotten mayonnaise riots there are ways to prevent you from unknowingly eating mayonnaise.

If you want to know more about the truth and facts of mayonnaise and how it is poisoning our very understanding of reality and its connection to teal as well as to learn how you can protect yourself from the evilitity of mayonnaise I need more donations.

I knew things would get worse before they would get better, but I never expected things to get this bad and I would have never thought the storm would last this long.

I find strengths in so many things. A great wife and good friends are critical to me surviving this storm. I also find strength is places I never thought I would such as an online game.

All of us hurt in our own way and we think we are so very alone, but there are so many others that may not completely identify with our current problem, but can relate to the shattered pieces of our lives. When you put the mosaic of acquaintances and friends together you find that as a whole, the world understands you so much more than you might realize.

I feel like I am at the end of the line. There is nothing more I can do or want to do about my situation. I wanted nothing more to go skiing this year, as I have so many years in the past. When I finally started to feel better, when it looked like I could my leg started to twitch. Oh Shit here we go again.

I cannot count the hours I have spent waiting for a doctor to show up, driving to appointments, and the gross feeling that I am a name on a file that the doctor only thinks of two minutes before he sees me.

I want to be active, to run around and play, but I cannot. I hope one day I will. There are times when I feel nothing but pitty for myself, but most of the time I try to find some good in the hell that is thrown my way. I pay attention, observe, and learn. One day I hope to help the missing pieces of their own mosaic.

I don’t know when or if this storm will ever end. What I do know is with each drop of rain, every bolt of lightning, and all the damage that is done isn’t lost on a forgetful mind. I am paying attention, I am learning, and one day I will make this right for someone else.

Storm or no storm, whatever is thrown at me, as long as the arrow on my leg points up is a day I am still standing, and as long as I am still standing, as much as I may want to surrender, their will be fight in me. Because there is no way in hell I am going quietly, to be processed, and lost.

I will fight for a voice, my voice, the voice in my head, and it will take stage and be heard. Not for me, but for all those around me. Something is wrong and it will be fixed or I will die trying.

This world is now, officially on notice.

needless to say that my last post was dark, darker than normal. I have been waiting for a clear idea of when this storm will pass, but that wait my prove too long.
I have always known that I have a good group of friends. Sometimes I am surpised on where I meet these friends.
Last fall I joined a game Starfleet Commander and alliance called Time Wasters.
One does not imagine finding quality friends while playing an online game, but those of us that have been playing online long enough nothing is really surprising anymore.
When I needed ammo after writing my last post, this group of people that were strangers a few months ago passed along some ammo and I am gearing up for the next offensive against my problems.
“My Time as a Time Waster” hopefuly wil be coming soon.

I feel I need to respond. Yet, feel the need to make it short. This will be a challenge.

Here is the short version of the last 13 years of my life. Remember, I am 35.

When I was 22 I had pain in my right testical. A lot pain. I was going to school at Chico State. Rewind a year prior I was in Flagstaff at Northern Arizona State. had something similar happen. A very *bad* It was diagnosed as epididimitis. Infection in the part of the testicil that produces your sperm or semen.

The condensed version of that story is that it made me very uncomfortable to see doctors, especially when my nuts were involved.

A year later, Chico California I started to develop the pain again. The lump was there too. Shit, not again. I went to see the nurse practitioner there, and he was a very nice guy. Though I knew it wasn’t gonera, the symptoms were there and I was given a lot of antibiotics and pain killers.

Next week pain is getting worse. Nurse Practioner gives me more antibiotics (shot) more pain killers. I told him it couldn’t be Gonera, but he told me there are other ways to get an infetion there. Back to the Epitidimitis.

Week 2 pain a lot worse. Terrible. I can’t sleep, I feel like I had been kicked in the nut and the pain never went away. Back to the clinic. Another shot of antibiotic and more pain killers and a long weekend.

Entering into the next week. Pain unbelivable. I see the doctor, he refers me to a Urologist. Shit, I was just recovering from the last prick. I had no choice.

Wednsday, pain really really bad, Uroloogist in under 5 minutes makes the diagnosis. Testicular Cancer. Now I was apparently lucky. The tumor was hemerging on the nerve center causing pain, normally TC doesn’t.

Friday Testicil removed. Due to circumstances I elected for a surgery to dig out any other tumors. One was found. Small tumor, but warrented 2 rounds of Chemo.

The fucked up thing is, TC spreads quickly. If I was properly diagnosed I would have been spared the full RPLND, in which I was litterally gutted, intestines placed outside, dug in, and removed some lymphnodes. The cancer had spread. Most likely if I would have been diagnosed correctly at the beging. The lump being slightly away from the epiditimis, thus being very obvious to someone that took a 2 hour course in diagnosing it. Very Simple.

Testicular Cancer is the most common cancer for young men between 15-35 years old. (laugh or not, but if you are in range, check your balls daily, feel a lump, go to the doctor, this is as important as Women doing breast exams)

In a college setting you would think this was something the medical people would know. They didn’t. The schools website had in depth education on breast cancer, but a horribel, hard to find on TC.

Ok, that was a little longer than expected, but the point is coming.

I had my mother’s medical insurance, the best I have ever had. The clinic at the school was free, though could have used a simple course to figure out my problem. But it still could have been more than enough to figure out my problem sooner.

The problem was not in the health care, but in the lack of knowledge of the doctors. It was poor planning that could have been corrected. And should be now. If not I need to have another chat with them.

Fast forward 10 years later, the chemo weakend my disks, and being sesptiple to disk degeneration already, my back show signs of a 5mm buldge. This has created off and on back problems. In 2008 I started to have this pain in my femeral nerve. The first 3 months of 2008 I had Kaiser.

At first it was great. I got right into see a Urologist, Cancer ruled out. I was then refered to pain management. Where through a series of blunders and misteps, the doctors once again did a poor job at figuring out what the pain was.

I have many surgical clips left in me. The doctors assured and even mocked my wife for claiming that was the source of the problem. After painful nerve blocks, having to go on disablity for a couple months, nearly loosing my job, I left Kaiser for my insurance.

I was lucky to get Roy Disney Jr.s old doctor. A doctor to many executives at Disney, and a kick ass doctor. He through me in the hospital for 10 days to figure out what was wrong with me.

They found a lot, but could not figure out what the pain was from. That is what my doctor wanted to be fixed.

5 doctors, a Urologist, Pain Anastisologis, Muscular Anistisiolgist, my doctor, a Neurologist all thought that sending a scope down in me to figure out what was there causing me the problems.

I was released from the hospital and went in search of a doctor that would do the surgery. UCLA rejected me since I no longer had cancer. USC Urologist threw his hands up and said he didn’t know, saw another pain specialist. Then saw 2 more Urologist that didn’t want to do the surgery. Then a general surgeon. He didn’t want to do it either, wanted to school all the other doctors for not seeing it was simply scare tissue.

2 Doctors said he was wrong, that would be on the other side, not the good side. It was effecting my last nut which just pissed me off.

Finally my doctor tossed me back into the hospital. The general surgeon’s assistant (hottie) agreed surgery would be best.

1 week to get an appointment (shit load of pain) 2 weeks for the surgery. F that, my doctor told me to go into the ER Sunday night. I was in the hospital until Tuesday.

This is now 1 year and 20 days since the problem started. They had found pressed firmly against my genital femerol nerve a surgical clip. Score a billion for Jen (wife) who said it was that all along.

It took me 9 months to recover. 6 weeks ago my back took a turn for the worse. No pain, but some bad symptoms. MRI done. But there is an added problem. My neck, which I just had an MRI done, and made the mistake of looking at the pictures. Not too thrilled and curious to how bad the doctor thinks it is. To me, it hurts like a bitch. It has been a problem since I was 11 years old. Bad neck spams through the years.

So I am not looking forward to another round of this shit.

Now I have good insurance. My insurance is very similar if not the same as the executives at Disney. Kaiser, though a sloppy machine of poorly executed processes, all were capable of finding this a lot sooner. What got me was the process, the procedures, some of these doctors were just robots going from a handbook.

The doctors were unable to work as a team to figure out what the fuck was wrong with me. And I paid the price. From the cancer in Chico to the finding of the surgical clip.

Now my oncologist, when I was with him as a team, he helped people from all angels. He made more than enough money so everyone didn’t need to pay the same. It is amazing on how much the doctors want to work with what they have. But when you too much away from the doctors and put price tags on things enters in the buracracy and decision makers then you have a real problem.

It isn’t that the US has bad health care, it is that the good parts of it are so hard and made almost impossible to access. There is a fundemental problem that goes beyond the bill.

I have spent a lot of time in the Emrgency Room, Clinics, doctors offices, to see what is broken here it so over looked, but so easy to fix it makes me ill to think about it.

Where the true concern with reform is the fact that if I don’t work for a company like Disney I am boned. I am almost uninsurable. I can’t be an independent contractor, only Disney could get away with finding someone to insure me. And the insurances are the ones that put me in this position to start with. Well to some degree, cancer played a role too. I don’t like cancer, especailly cancer that goes for the balls., but that is just me. All cancers suck, lost too much to it, but after having it, at least I can make cancer jokes about it. And I have gotten out of a few thousand dollars worth of fines, and literally played the cancer card to get a friend out of a mistermeanor. But I digress.

I don’t like to brag, but healthy, I am freaking awesome! I do great work, I have a lot to be proud of, and have paid a great deal into the system. To think that those two things cannot help me. There is something wrong with the approach. Until we fix that, we are screwed.

Enough with that, my ships are back. For those still reading, check your balls, and when it comes to health care, be smart until they can catch up.

It is easy for people to tell me to stay in the fight when they are not the ones fighting the battles. It isn’t the fact that I am lacking the will to fight as much as I have simply ran out of ammunition.

This is the third year in a row where our attempts at a baby are coming unraveled. This year my back has taken a turn for the worse. Just yesterday my car became immobile and my debit card was compromised and showed activity in Lebanon.

There is some much I want to do, but everything is so intertwined. It is is like all the cables in my house, an mess of things in which I don’t know how to undo and once I did I don’t know how to prevent it from happening again.

I think if I can figure that out, if I can figure out how to deal with my wires then somehow I will find the answer I am looking for.

I have little doubt that there is something directing this madness of my life, I have no doubt that I am going off course, and I am lacking the ability to see where I am supposed to go.

I need more than a miracle, I need some ammunition, some soldiers would be nice. If I cannot get a break from the endless sea of bad that falls on me, I need at least that.

There is a really good reason to why there have not been many updates here, hang in there. Until then here are some photos from Laguna Beach, November 7, 2009.
The photos still have not been processed correctly, given the scope of the big picture I thought I would show these some light of day.