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Recovering is going so so, I have my good moments and my bad moments. I keep playing the doctor’s reassurance that this pain is normal while I anxiously wait for my doctors appointment.

I want nothing more that to get back to my life, and I have more questions than I can count. Though I want to return to work for many different reasons, one of them being I simply need the money, I know returning to work just yet is not the best idea. The emotional hard part of this is that I have spent so many days, weeks, month laying on this couch waiting to get better, I simply don’t want to be on the couch any more.

After the celebration of last week the reality of the events of the last year have shown their mark The scars are not on me alone, I see it with Jen and that is what hurts the most. The look on her face when she sees me in pain and the anxiety we feel is perfectly natural.

I know myself well enough to know when I am down like this to close my eyes and try to remember the sight of the big picture. Unfortunately, being down still hurts, and it is still something that needs to be done alone.I hope my mommy Vicki is able to take me to my doctors appointment, I don’t want to go alone.

Tears run down my face thinking of the doctor’s appointments that remain in front of me. I wish that for a day my time could be the most valuable and my problems can be swiftly and quickly addressed.

Now don’t being throwing me a pity party, I know this is just recovering and things are going and are already getting better.

Healing is never the same as being better.