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This is a lengthy note, and it is a part of the story, “knowing vince.”

Like everything I am, this story is not simple, it is not short, and it sure as hell not sweet. This is a story of a man I call my father.

Before I tell this tale I am going to single out a spoken word event saw in which Ice-Tea fundamentally changed my perception of the world around me. The year was 1998, Ice Tea came to speak at Chico State University for a “Spoken Word” session. Prior to Ice Tea there was Henry Rollins and Jello Biafra and after Ice Tea there was Shimon Perez. These spoken words impacted me more than all my classroom lectures combined. Ice Tea being the most.

I learned a lot from Ice Tea that day, and when I am brave enough I will share something that only a few outside of those who attended the lecture know. I learned a lot that day. One of those things was something Ice Tea said about the LA Uprising (aka LA Riot) and his song “Cop Killers.” Ice Tea told us when a rock is thrown into a crowd the only ones screaming are the ones that were hit. Years later as we were waiting in line to get into the lecture hall people were passing out pamphlets in protest of Ice Tea speaking on campus, mainly because of the song he did title “Cop Killer.”

Ice Tea explained his side and what the song was about. The song then made sense. Ice Tea referred to the LA uprising as the LA uprising and not the LA Riots because it was an uprising. The people of LA, especially Blacks were being beaten and abused by LAPD for so long the trial of Rodney King was merely the spark that ignited a long waiting build up of fumes and discontent. The song Cop Killer was directed to those who took out their anger and bigotry on the Blacks of Los Angeles. Ice Tea show a great deal of respect for the concept of police officers, he only found that the police officers in the area that he grew up had elements of corruption, racism, hatred, and even murderous intentions. It was to these people the song was directed to. He knew that police officers that listened to the lyrics would know the difference between them and those who the song was directed to. One of many lessons I learned from that day especially that portion of the lecture help formed my perception of that in which surrounds me. I can truly say that day was a life changing moment with in me.

Though there is more I would like to write about that lecture, which is forever imprinted into my memory, however the part of tossing a rock into a crowd is the center of this this note.

My father and I had our disagreements. He wasn’t the best father in the world, but not the worst. I would like to say that I try my hardest to block out the bad things that he did to me, which is considerable, however I don’t. If I did then I would loose sight of all the good he did for me.

I try to focus on what would make him act that way towards me. I am not pulling the “what did I do to deserve that.” or am I making excuses for my father’s actions. I honestly try to see the world through my father’s eyes.

Despite my father and I’s differences we could agree that the act of his cousin’s action were a betrayal, not only to my father’s son, but to my father himself. That man should have came to his son first and sought the bigger picture and asked some questions before he served him up to those he knew that would do nothing but devourer him.

I love my father more than anyone can know, I also hated him more than any can imagine. The only one that could truly understand my father is his son, me. What I say next I can say with absolute confidence, without hesitation, and without a second thought. Tom Clark is the only person I know that would strap on a gun to protect me. Tom Clark is the only one I saw strap on a gun to protect me.

Despite the state of our relationship when my father was alive I knew that he was the one person that would take up arms and stand by my side. My father would stand by my side even in the face of a man that he respected and called his cousin and even his favorite child. I think this is because he knew that despite our differences that I was the one man that would take up arms and stand next to him, right or wrong.

Unlike my sisters and mother, my father listened to what I said, he heard the words though painful at times, and he took that into consideration before making up his mind. Make no mistake, I regret a lot of what I told my father, a lot of it was in anger, but he never said, “Well you did this there for I did that.” He just listened to what I said.

I spent a majority of my life resenting a man that despite his faults he was the most true person to me, good or bad, I knew my father would be beside me. I regret the forces that turned me against him. I regret my treatment of him. I look at shame at those who dishonor his memory especially by a man that he held in such high regards.

Those people in which I speak of know who they are.

I knew that my father was not the man I wanted to become and looked to my Greek Fathers for leadership and to my Uncles as well, but I do so only to redeem my father. I am his son and everything bad he was I have sought to correct and everything good he was I seek to champion. I only wish that he lived long enough for me to realize that pattern and to have helped him. If I see a spike in page visits from Facebook to this page I will tell you more about the man Thomas Clark.

As the rock flies into the crowd and hits those who cry out in concern, those people know who they are, and to those people, the world will know who you are and what you have done, you can only take comfort with the knowledge of knowing that my father is not alive to see your cowardliness.

For those that the rock missed, who saw it fling into the crowd and heard the reaction of a pathetic man and self absorbed children, I invite you to encourage me to write more about my father. He was no saint, and he was no demon, he was the protoVincentClark you know today.