vincentclark dot com

I have been a little off the grid for the past few days. Last Thursday I had a pain fit that last into Sunday, which was the biggest slide since my surgery. It is during those slides that the biggest shadow of doubt is cast over my recovery. When I am in those moments hope seems to fall, I get depressed and anxious, and a spiral starts to happen. I am very fortunate to have a loving wife that sticks by my side and offers words encouragement and most importantly gives me hope that I will get through this.

The conditions at home makes understand a little better why the hybrids of Battlestar Galactica go a little nutty after a while. Our place is really small, I have moved everything from the upstairs to our living room, mainly my computer system. I am enclosed in with wires and controls. At some point I will go into greater detail about my living arrangements for the past few weeks. For now I will say, it is less than ideal. I use that phrase instead of saying “it is a sucky hell in which I cannot wait to escape.” Though I cannot wait until I am beyond this set up, it is far better than having my computer system down here and having the clutter than it was having the computer upstairs. When the computer was upstairs I was still driven to work on it, however I could only work with it a little bit at a time since I cannot sit in a chair for very long. 

Last night I could not sleep so I broke a Flight Simulator taboo and used the time multiplier. It is amazing where you can go in this planet in one minute when heading west at Mach 4 while going 128x the normal speed. This is one of a dozen example I can use to describe how much nicer it is to have my computer down next to the couch.

The other thing is the fact that I am very isolated here. When one works with the computer as his main source of communication thoughts are not as clear to others as they are to him, me. I can tell in my writings, either on blogs or in emails, when I have been left alone for too long. 

I need to develop some sort of brain communication exercise or something to that effect. 

The doctor has been encouraging me to stay as still as possible. That is something very hard to do, but I am forcing myself to do it. 

I am getting better, it has just been a lonely, frustrating, miserable, long time.