vincentclark dot com

I knew things would get worse before they would get better, but I never expected things to get this bad and I would have never thought the storm would last this long.

I find strengths in so many things. A great wife and good friends are critical to me surviving this storm. I also find strength is places I never thought I would such as an online game.

All of us hurt in our own way and we think we are so very alone, but there are so many others that may not completely identify with our current problem, but can relate to the shattered pieces of our lives. When you put the mosaic of acquaintances and friends together you find that as a whole, the world understands you so much more than you might realize.

I feel like I am at the end of the line. There is nothing more I can do or want to do about my situation. I wanted nothing more to go skiing this year, as I have so many years in the past. When I finally started to feel better, when it looked like I could my leg started to twitch. Oh Shit here we go again.

I cannot count the hours I have spent waiting for a doctor to show up, driving to appointments, and the gross feeling that I am a name on a file that the doctor only thinks of two minutes before he sees me.

I want to be active, to run around and play, but I cannot. I hope one day I will. There are times when I feel nothing but pitty for myself, but most of the time I try to find some good in the hell that is thrown my way. I pay attention, observe, and learn. One day I hope to help the missing pieces of their own mosaic.

I don’t know when or if this storm will ever end. What I do know is with each drop of rain, every bolt of lightning, and all the damage that is done isn’t lost on a forgetful mind. I am paying attention, I am learning, and one day I will make this right for someone else.

Storm or no storm, whatever is thrown at me, as long as the arrow on my leg points up is a day I am still standing, and as long as I am still standing, as much as I may want to surrender, their will be fight in me. Because there is no way in hell I am going quietly, to be processed, and lost.

I will fight for a voice, my voice, the voice in my head, and it will take stage and be heard. Not for me, but for all those around me. Something is wrong and it will be fixed or I will die trying.

This world is now, officially on notice.